I want to share some thoughts on the barrage of information about womens health and fitness out there, in part, I admit, to save this blog from becoming a food and fitness log only.
I trust F's expertise on most everything anatomical and nutritional, but it would be a comfort, a validation, and a joy if information on strength training and macronutrient eating existed at all in the millions of mainstream sources on fitness and dieting. Squatting for Your Spring Break Bod, for instance. Weighing in on Free Weights. In Cosmo. Or on iVillage. Or on a blog written by an articulate, pedestrian working woman, and not a fitness model or strength coach, and not disgraced with credibility-reducing bad stock photography and low-brow man-puns.
I want to read, in short, that my program has been tried and tested by the most bangin' bodies in Hollywood; that Alessandra and Adriana are dead-lifting; that vegetarianism, Pilates, and weekly cheat days are all a farce with regards to looking better naked.
I've not found these things. Every woman aged 22 - 40 can spout off the ten or so dieting tips that ladies' journals monthly repackage, but little to no digestible, accessible, female-friendly information exists on the benefits of lifting heavy weights.
What gives?
I suppose one answer is that strength training simply isn't very accessible - it requires membership to a proper gym, a good deal of fairly inflexible free time, and some real reading, if not customized instruction by a qualified coach. But considering the billion$ women collectively spend on institutionalized dieting, cosmetic surgery, form-flattering underwear and yoga classes, shouldn't this option at least be in the running?
I wish I'd started blogging about the experience earlier, to serve as a ab ova usque ad mala diary to provide some direction and camaraderie for the curious and the aspiring. I want to be able to one tell you, in good faith, that it "worked" - that my body looks and feels different; that there's lasting fat loss and postural corrections; and bone strength, cardio fitness, and energy levels have markedly improved.
So! Maybe one day I will.
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Romper, Ho!
Morning, F.
Yestereve was blustery, but I split out of work to procure (in vain) a romper:
A year ago, I didn't think I'd be coveting jumpsuits or lifting barbells, but life, unexpected. It happens.
Anthropologie didn't carry the stock as advertised on its website, so I trudged to the gym and completed a quick light-lift set, followed by an even briefer run:
2x8 Romanian Dead-lifts, alternating with 2x8 Pendlay Rows (just the bar)
2x8 Romanian Dead-lifts, alternating with 2x8 Pendlay Rows (bar + 20 lbs)
4x5 barbell squats, alternating with 4x5 barbell OHP
1x5 low-bar squats @ 65 lbs. Form forward!
3x5 barbell benchpresses
1 mile quick sprint
Abs work (2 x front, left, right planks)
Dinner, late, was a pecky affair. Patchwork fridge contents conspired to supply 3 slices of turkey breast sandwich meat and 1 fried egg on a piece of wheat toast; 1/2 grilled zucchini; a handful of roasted pumpkin seeds; 1 orange; 1 string cheese. Wow, that kinda looks like a lot. Sad face.
Breakfast this morning were an orange and the quotidian morning Muscle Milk.
Yestereve was blustery, but I split out of work to procure (in vain) a romper:
A year ago, I didn't think I'd be coveting jumpsuits or lifting barbells, but life, unexpected. It happens.
Anthropologie didn't carry the stock as advertised on its website, so I trudged to the gym and completed a quick light-lift set, followed by an even briefer run:
2x8 Romanian Dead-lifts, alternating with 2x8 Pendlay Rows (just the bar)
2x8 Romanian Dead-lifts, alternating with 2x8 Pendlay Rows (bar + 20 lbs)
4x5 barbell squats, alternating with 4x5 barbell OHP
1x5 low-bar squats @ 65 lbs. Form forward!
3x5 barbell benchpresses
1 mile quick sprint
Abs work (2 x front, left, right planks)
Dinner, late, was a pecky affair. Patchwork fridge contents conspired to supply 3 slices of turkey breast sandwich meat and 1 fried egg on a piece of wheat toast; 1/2 grilled zucchini; a handful of roasted pumpkin seeds; 1 orange; 1 string cheese. Wow, that kinda looks like a lot. Sad face.
Breakfast this morning were an orange and the quotidian morning Muscle Milk.
Labels:
overhead press,
power lifting,
resistance training,
squats
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
String Cheese O'Clock
Is there any greater pleasure, late in the afternoon, than peeling fibers of low-grade mozzarella from a waxy chode of cheese?
I think not.
I think not.
Food Log (PM), and Whining
For those of you who have never yet experienced the power and glory of a diet-friendly frozen meal, they're definitively worse in quantity and quality than any low-brow, single-serving, cheap eat that comes to mind - diner food, airplane food, middle school cafeteria food, prison food (probably).
The Lean Cuisine creation, above, is an apt icon for the category - one smallish slab of colorless Processed Meat laying limply in a pool of salty stew-sauce; one serving of veggie-doused starchy filler food. Incredibly (or not?) the whole ordeal manages to stay under 300 calories (my midday Chicken Medallions Over Wild Mushroom Rice netted out at 220), and is savory and temporally filling.
So, after day. . . I dunno, 10 or so of DEFICIT EATING, the hungries aren't plaguing me much anymore. They're there, to be sure, and even though I'm checking the time left until I can whip out my snack arsenal (string cheese, today), I'm not nearly as miserable as I was a week ago.
Also, I splurged on recreational swimwear today AND overnight shipping so it'll arrive before I peace out to the islands on Saturday:
The Lean Cuisine creation, above, is an apt icon for the category - one smallish slab of colorless Processed Meat laying limply in a pool of salty stew-sauce; one serving of veggie-doused starchy filler food. Incredibly (or not?) the whole ordeal manages to stay under 300 calories (my midday Chicken Medallions Over Wild Mushroom Rice netted out at 220), and is savory and temporally filling.
So, after day. . . I dunno, 10 or so of DEFICIT EATING, the hungries aren't plaguing me much anymore. They're there, to be sure, and even though I'm checking the time left until I can whip out my snack arsenal (string cheese, today), I'm not nearly as miserable as I was a week ago.
Also, I splurged on recreational swimwear today AND overnight shipping so it'll arrive before I peace out to the islands on Saturday:
Obligatory Food Log - Tuesday AM
Busted. F had a micromanagement flare-up, and I had to fork over this URL, as well as oblige to a daily intake and activity log. At least I can do it here, where I can make the numericals lyricals and scintillate the weights.
So far, I've had:
1/2 serving of Muscle Milk with a 1/2 cup of milk, and water
1 orange (I bought oranges!)
Water intake is roughly 70 oz on weekdays, where I tend to get restless and want to go ogle the untouchable vending machine, and instead angrily chug a bottle of water a couple times a day.
So far, I've had:
1/2 serving of Muscle Milk with a 1/2 cup of milk, and water
1 orange (I bought oranges!)
Water intake is roughly 70 oz on weekdays, where I tend to get restless and want to go ogle the untouchable vending machine, and instead angrily chug a bottle of water a couple times a day.
Thursday, March 25, 2010
CRAVINGS!
I had a seriously good dining day yesterday.
One half serving of lean Muscle Milk and one egg for breakfast, one full serving of ON Whey during the day, one proteinous 280 calorie frozen lunch (I even discarded some of the noodles - it was a chicken pasta primavera), and a salmon teriyaki steak with some steamed broccoli for dinner. I didn't make it to the gym (fancy, nutritious dinner was escrow for staying late in the office), but, being a nice evening, I walked 35 blocks downtown rather than take the train.
While I woke up with that nice sunken belly feeling, the hunger pangs are a little incessant today! It's almost 1PM - I'm staving off lunch, but I had an apple mid-morning, on top of the usual Muscle Milk and egg for brekky.
One half serving of lean Muscle Milk and one egg for breakfast, one full serving of ON Whey during the day, one proteinous 280 calorie frozen lunch (I even discarded some of the noodles - it was a chicken pasta primavera), and a salmon teriyaki steak with some steamed broccoli for dinner. I didn't make it to the gym (fancy, nutritious dinner was escrow for staying late in the office), but, being a nice evening, I walked 35 blocks downtown rather than take the train.
While I woke up with that nice sunken belly feeling, the hunger pangs are a little incessant today! It's almost 1PM - I'm staving off lunch, but I had an apple mid-morning, on top of the usual Muscle Milk and egg for brekky.
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
To Battle Hunger Cravings, I -
Have a beverage. Preferably a low / no cal one, like coffee, water, or diet soda. Drink until I have to pee. That'll usually kill forty minutes or so, by which the craving or pang will have passed.
Take a walk. I get distracted easily. Ups the NEAT total.
Get upset. Nothing strips me of a hankering or appetite than a good virtual brawl with a friend, thumbing through my ex's photos with his new squeeze on Facebook, or talking to my mother.
Work out. Sweating blunts my appetite, weirdly.
Go to sleep. Although rendering oneself unconscious falls definitively under 'last resort', it works.
Things that don't work:
Calorie counting. It's like that study where the parents just started paying fees to pick their kids up late from daycare. Beyond a point, it's all just numbers and abstraction.
Looking at pictures of skinny people. Does this work for anyone? Looking at her makes me feel hungry.
Eating a little. Floodgates. Open.
Wednesday Morning
The question posed by my Google Desktop notebook, for posterity: DID YOU DEFICIT??
The weight deficit formula is so simple that it's brutal. 3500 calories per pound / 7 days per week = a 500 calorie deficit per day to lose one freaking, measly pound per week.
500 calories is the size of a small meal, so trying to lose MORE than a pound a week when you're reasonably trim already (I'm an impatient girl, and on a time line!) seems really daunting.
I'm nonetheless comforted by the perhaps apocryphal rumor that metaconditioning and power lifting elevates your resting metabolic rate for the subsequent 12, 24 or 48 hours, depending on which sources you appeal to for your fitness hyperboles. Yesterday's program, following range-of-motion exercises, and the acquisition of the so frikkin' fit plaidastic Superdry Lumbar Twill Shirt looked like this:
Goblet squats : 3x8 @ 25
Kettle ball swings 3x15 @ 25
High bar squats: 2x5 @ 70
Overhead press (with a barbell!): 3x5 @ 60
Pendlay rows: 3x5 @ 75
Planks: 3 @ 1 minute front, right, left
It's a sorry day when your post work-out treat is a cylindrical piece of foam that doesn't even belong to you, but I actually looked forward to a good, slow, long roll.
The weight deficit formula is so simple that it's brutal. 3500 calories per pound / 7 days per week = a 500 calorie deficit per day to lose one freaking, measly pound per week.
500 calories is the size of a small meal, so trying to lose MORE than a pound a week when you're reasonably trim already (I'm an impatient girl, and on a time line!) seems really daunting.
I'm nonetheless comforted by the perhaps apocryphal rumor that metaconditioning and power lifting elevates your resting metabolic rate for the subsequent 12, 24 or 48 hours, depending on which sources you appeal to for your fitness hyperboles. Yesterday's program, following range-of-motion exercises, and the acquisition of the so frikkin' fit plaidastic Superdry Lumbar Twill Shirt looked like this:
Goblet squats : 3x8 @ 25
Kettle ball swings 3x15 @ 25
High bar squats: 2x5 @ 70
Overhead press (with a barbell!): 3x5 @ 60
Pendlay rows: 3x5 @ 75
Planks: 3 @ 1 minute front, right, left
It's a sorry day when your post work-out treat is a cylindrical piece of foam that doesn't even belong to you, but I actually looked forward to a good, slow, long roll.
Labels:
Deficit,
diet,
overhead press,
pendlay rows,
squats,
superdry
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
The Confessional
I just ate a chocolate-chip muffin top, swiped from the conference room.
Cake is thine enemy, but it's the fatty food groups' femme fatale, the most deceptive, divisive, eeeeevil of the lot.
Cake I shall shun.
(It's my birthday in two weeks.)
Cake is thine enemy, but it's the fatty food groups' femme fatale, the most deceptive, divisive, eeeeevil of the lot.
Cake I shall shun.
(It's my birthday in two weeks.)
Monday, March 22, 2010
F on Protein Intake
I like meat ohkay. I prefer white to red meat, usually, and though I've never been a vegetarian, I've definitely gotten the 'ick' feeling when sinking my teeth into a hunk of flesh before (typically when I'm high). The shakes - I keep ON Gold Standard Whey in the office and Lean Muscle Milk at home - have been a happy substitute, but I have a hard time keeping up with the daily recommended intake. 3-4 shakes daily? Are these people mental? I put the question to F, my trusty nutrition almanac. He's tried and digested enough information to serve as a sort of metafilter on topics related to fitness and nutrition. The brief transcript, below:
me: i've read a lot of conflicting recommendations on protein intake - some say about 30% of diet, others .5-.75gs x body weight in pounds. what's actually the right amount, and why?
me: i've read a lot of conflicting recommendations on protein intake - some say about 30% of diet, others .5-.75gs x body weight in pounds. what's actually the right amount, and why?
F: ok, so there's a big difference between protein "requirements" and optimal intake
The former is basically a count of the minimum protein that should be consumed before negative physiological reactions and muscle-wasting take place
most RDs (registered dietitians) use these silly metrics to make their claims
there's a big difference when it comes to goal-oriented protein optimization research
the ranges there are between .8gm/lb and 1.8g/lb
F: here's one read that analyzes some of the relevant research
Essentially what we have are two things that make it different than recs for "protein to get by"
1. We have body comp goals (i.e. preservation of lean body mass, and loss of fat) and
2. We are lifting heavy weights
F: also, this is a nice wrap-up of a full series examining various aspects of protein sources (you can read all if you're interested, or just this one for the takeaways)
Background
I figure that since I've turned on the 'public' setting for this blog, I ought to provide a little background about my training program, which commenced on January 29, 2010, and how it came to be.
An off-the-cuff comment from F this past winter ('you could stand to lose 10 pounds of fat') got me thinking. I was, like I said, offended - I'm accustomed to being met with envy, and not criticism re: my physique. I engaged him about it the following day, and he stuck to his guns about it. We met, and he took me through some general education about nutrition, fitness, and goals:
Nutrition
-Eat more protein. I'm virtually a vegetarian - meat is expensive, labor-intensive, and, I thought, really caloric-dense. I learned that calorie-dense is okay, so long as it's also energy efficient. To this end, I purchased whey protein powder supplements, and started FreshDirecting frozen chicken bulk packs to replace my nightly noodles.
-Eat less starch. This is hard, because I love bread, bagels, donuts, noodles, rice, cake. The best I can recommend on this front is discipline.
-Drink less. I'd been meaning to, anyway, so, done.
Exercise
-Resistance training. F taught me how some power-lifting basics, and put me on a schedule of low-bar squats, bench-pressing, deadlifting, rows, overhead presses, and abdominal work. I like cardio, which I'm permitted to do still (but in moderation). This program resembles a personalized rendition of Mark Rippetoe's painstakingly didactic Starting Strength. I confess that I can't really get through it despite F's egging on, but it's a really, really, really specific treatise / instructional manual on the wonders and mechanics of a few basic lifts.
I think the most salient and lasting piece of advice F gave me on this front was something about the body evolving in order to catch up to what's being demanded of it. Move more weight, and it will get stronger.
It's been fun, because progress comes very quickly for beginners. My current PRs (is there anything more crass than fitness-related acronyms?) look like this, for 3 sets of 5 reps:
Low-bar squat: 110 lbs
Bench press: 70 lbs
Overhead dumbbell press (I can't smoothly handle the bar): 50 lbs
Deadlift: 155 lbs
Pembley Rows: 25 lbs
Per this, I'm only slightly better than 'untrained', which feels a little unsatisfying for the last 7 weeks, but I guess that means I was something pathetically weak prior.
I've got some other, lighter squats, the very ubiquitous Romanian Deadlift, and some more mobility work framing the thrice-weekly regiment (which includes selectively from the above).
An off-the-cuff comment from F this past winter ('you could stand to lose 10 pounds of fat') got me thinking. I was, like I said, offended - I'm accustomed to being met with envy, and not criticism re: my physique. I engaged him about it the following day, and he stuck to his guns about it. We met, and he took me through some general education about nutrition, fitness, and goals:
Nutrition
-Eat more protein. I'm virtually a vegetarian - meat is expensive, labor-intensive, and, I thought, really caloric-dense. I learned that calorie-dense is okay, so long as it's also energy efficient. To this end, I purchased whey protein powder supplements, and started FreshDirecting frozen chicken bulk packs to replace my nightly noodles.
-Eat less starch. This is hard, because I love bread, bagels, donuts, noodles, rice, cake. The best I can recommend on this front is discipline.
-Drink less. I'd been meaning to, anyway, so, done.
Exercise
-Resistance training. F taught me how some power-lifting basics, and put me on a schedule of low-bar squats, bench-pressing, deadlifting, rows, overhead presses, and abdominal work. I like cardio, which I'm permitted to do still (but in moderation). This program resembles a personalized rendition of Mark Rippetoe's painstakingly didactic Starting Strength. I confess that I can't really get through it despite F's egging on, but it's a really, really, really specific treatise / instructional manual on the wonders and mechanics of a few basic lifts.
I think the most salient and lasting piece of advice F gave me on this front was something about the body evolving in order to catch up to what's being demanded of it. Move more weight, and it will get stronger.
It's been fun, because progress comes very quickly for beginners. My current PRs (is there anything more crass than fitness-related acronyms?) look like this, for 3 sets of 5 reps:
Low-bar squat: 110 lbs
Bench press: 70 lbs
Overhead dumbbell press (I can't smoothly handle the bar): 50 lbs
Deadlift: 155 lbs
Pembley Rows: 25 lbs
Per this, I'm only slightly better than 'untrained', which feels a little unsatisfying for the last 7 weeks, but I guess that means I was something pathetically weak prior.
I've got some other, lighter squats, the very ubiquitous Romanian Deadlift, and some more mobility work framing the thrice-weekly regiment (which includes selectively from the above).
The Weekend Roundup, Super Superdry, Crystal Parr
So the weekend weren't bad. I had a decent lift with F on Saturday, on top of a very good meal-plan. I think the key is staying a bit hungry at night. I'm not usually ravenous when I wake up, no matter how long the fast, so I can get by with a shake and a little protein food. On Sunday, I tried to go shopping to, you know, find rewards, but didn't end up with anything except several hours' walking in the West Village, which, hey, is alright.
(Of note: I discovered the full-loaded-with-awesome Superdry Lumber Twill Shirt, just not in my preferred size (S) and color (blue). Must check out SoHo flagship store.)
The weekend's one Carbinal Sin was a green tea frozen yogurt (+ blueberries and kiwi) following frisbee. And yes, IT WAS A SOCIAL EAT.
Some calorie-cutting measures for the next 5 days (larger chunks just ain't manageable):
-Make bed. In the mornings. Wake up circa 7:15AM; spend a little time tidying up.
-No bananas. The fruit of the week is "orange".
-Get some oranges.
-Paint your freaking wall, already.
So, you know how Crystal Renn has been receiving loads of positive media attention lately? She's this plus-sized supermodel who's "revolutionizing" the fashion industry:
I hate the press. It's stupidly reinforcing the exact same idea as very thin models do - that weight has anything to do with a person's appeal. Whether it does or doesn't, and to what degree it does or doesn't remains to be studied or argued, but let's not forget, that aside from being a size 12 or whatever, Crystal Renn (top), like SkinnyChick Alessandra Ambrosio (bottom; the current media martyr), is really hot:
Right. I could gain OR lose 30 pounds to approximate these women's weights, but it's not going to make me hot enough to make a celebrity living off my looks. You know why? Because I, like every other run-of-the-mill human being on the planet, don't have a million-dollar face. My body wouldn't distribute a weight gain or deficit in a flattering, million-dollar way. I'm not photogenic (in the least); I have poor posture, dry skin, splits-endsy hair that I'm too cheap and lazy to ameliorate. Maybe the message to young women (or whatever) is to learn what competitive advantage means, and what yours are.
(Of note: I discovered the full-loaded-with-awesome Superdry Lumber Twill Shirt, just not in my preferred size (S) and color (blue). Must check out SoHo flagship store.)
The weekend's one Carbinal Sin was a green tea frozen yogurt (+ blueberries and kiwi) following frisbee. And yes, IT WAS A SOCIAL EAT.
Some calorie-cutting measures for the next 5 days (larger chunks just ain't manageable):
-Make bed. In the mornings. Wake up circa 7:15AM; spend a little time tidying up.
-No bananas. The fruit of the week is "orange".
-Get some oranges.
-Paint your freaking wall, already.
So, you know how Crystal Renn has been receiving loads of positive media attention lately? She's this plus-sized supermodel who's "revolutionizing" the fashion industry:
I hate the press. It's stupidly reinforcing the exact same idea as very thin models do - that weight has anything to do with a person's appeal. Whether it does or doesn't, and to what degree it does or doesn't remains to be studied or argued, but let's not forget, that aside from being a size 12 or whatever, Crystal Renn (top), like SkinnyChick Alessandra Ambrosio (bottom; the current media martyr), is really hot:
Right. I could gain OR lose 30 pounds to approximate these women's weights, but it's not going to make me hot enough to make a celebrity living off my looks. You know why? Because I, like every other run-of-the-mill human being on the planet, don't have a million-dollar face. My body wouldn't distribute a weight gain or deficit in a flattering, million-dollar way. I'm not photogenic (in the least); I have poor posture, dry skin, splits-endsy hair that I'm too cheap and lazy to ameliorate. Maybe the message to young women (or whatever) is to learn what competitive advantage means, and what yours are.
Labels:
alessandra ambrosia,
crystal renn,
diet,
superdry
Friday, March 19, 2010
143
I've admittedly got a mental block against dieting. I've never been truly unhappy with my weight or physical appearance before. I've had the luxury of eating what I want, when I want for most of my life - which is, additionally, active and happy. I like cocktails; I love dessert. I smoke pot so as to more deeply enjoy the crunch of cookies when I'm stoned. I enjoy restaurants; indulging in and reviewing 3-hour tasting menus by famous French chefs is one of my favorite hobbies.
So when F told me to read that book - the Tom Venuto one full of anorexic adages ("Nothing tastes as great as thin feels" or "Hunger is the feeling of fat cells dying") - I was offended. I am thin. People have been jealous of my physique my whole life. I'm 5'11 inches, and a very consistent 143 pounds. My thinness occurs (luckily?) in the most observable regions of my chest, neck and shoulders, such that when I drift below 140, I look sunken, even though my thighs and belly look fine.
So why do I want to lose 10 pounds? F suggested that I find some mental strategies, so I decided to put into writing the goals I have, and why.
1. The challenge. I like quantitative goals, traceable progress, numerical benchmarks. I like it when the numbers on the treadmill move. That's probably not the best reason to run (or to lose weight), but I'm not really interested in dropping clothing sizes (generally a 2 or 4), and 10 pounds seems like a substantial and difficult thing to do.
2. It's a feminine weight. Big girls have complexes with regards to the size of the opposite gender. I'm not -usually- heavier than my mate these days, but boy, in high school and in college, it was a trial not to be. There's some residual longing to be the type of girl that looks slight next to a man; the kind that they could catch handily in a swoon, or throw over their shoulder without throwing out their backs.
3. I'm not really sure I'd "look better naked" (or who I'd be looking better for), but if it's actually liable to happen, then I guess I'm down. 3. falls far, far below 1. and 2.
Now. Why do I eat more than I need to?
1. To prove that I can. This is a point of pride, and changing this part of my person will be hard, and furthermore, distasteful. I hate girls who count calories. I look down upon people who worry about their weight. I want to show that I'm not like them.
2. To reward myself. I celebrate successes at work, and in life, with food. I even celebrate good dieting with good food.
3. Out of boredom. It doesn't occur to me to feel hungry when I'm out and about, which should be easier given the weather's turned so nice.
. . . and how to fix?
1.
-Dine less with other people. Less with men, whose impressions, and women, certainly, whose jealousyies I revel in.
-Don't smoke pot. Just. . . don't. Once the social and dietary inhibitions go, I'm really fucked.
2.
-What's a better reward? I hate buying shit, and there's no pressing list of material possessions that I covet. Will have to think on this one.
3.
-Cake.
On the business of concessions
I think we have to draw the line somewhere. Sorry F, but if I'm going to make a real mental commitment, I can't be calorie counting. It's . . . gay. I promise (myself) to do better, but the accountability's gotta be internalized, and not via FitDay.com.
So when F told me to read that book - the Tom Venuto one full of anorexic adages ("Nothing tastes as great as thin feels" or "Hunger is the feeling of fat cells dying") - I was offended. I am thin. People have been jealous of my physique my whole life. I'm 5'11 inches, and a very consistent 143 pounds. My thinness occurs (luckily?) in the most observable regions of my chest, neck and shoulders, such that when I drift below 140, I look sunken, even though my thighs and belly look fine.
So why do I want to lose 10 pounds? F suggested that I find some mental strategies, so I decided to put into writing the goals I have, and why.
1. The challenge. I like quantitative goals, traceable progress, numerical benchmarks. I like it when the numbers on the treadmill move. That's probably not the best reason to run (or to lose weight), but I'm not really interested in dropping clothing sizes (generally a 2 or 4), and 10 pounds seems like a substantial and difficult thing to do.
2. It's a feminine weight. Big girls have complexes with regards to the size of the opposite gender. I'm not -usually- heavier than my mate these days, but boy, in high school and in college, it was a trial not to be. There's some residual longing to be the type of girl that looks slight next to a man; the kind that they could catch handily in a swoon, or throw over their shoulder without throwing out their backs.
3. I'm not really sure I'd "look better naked" (or who I'd be looking better for), but if it's actually liable to happen, then I guess I'm down. 3. falls far, far below 1. and 2.
Now. Why do I eat more than I need to?
1. To prove that I can. This is a point of pride, and changing this part of my person will be hard, and furthermore, distasteful. I hate girls who count calories. I look down upon people who worry about their weight. I want to show that I'm not like them.
2. To reward myself. I celebrate successes at work, and in life, with food. I even celebrate good dieting with good food.
3. Out of boredom. It doesn't occur to me to feel hungry when I'm out and about, which should be easier given the weather's turned so nice.
. . . and how to fix?
1.
-Dine less with other people. Less with men, whose impressions, and women, certainly, whose jealousyies I revel in.
-Don't smoke pot. Just. . . don't. Once the social and dietary inhibitions go, I'm really fucked.
2.
-What's a better reward? I hate buying shit, and there's no pressing list of material possessions that I covet. Will have to think on this one.
3.
-Cake.
On the business of concessions
I think we have to draw the line somewhere. Sorry F, but if I'm going to make a real mental commitment, I can't be calorie counting. It's . . . gay. I promise (myself) to do better, but the accountability's gotta be internalized, and not via FitDay.com.
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